What I learn from 3 pregnancies…

I want to share my honest experience with pregnancy, acknowledging that it’s far from a walk in the park—before, during, and after. When I had my first child at 18, I found myself navigating in uncharted territory. Without the support of friends who had gone through it or a family thrilled about my pregnancy, the journey was challenging.

With my second child, I learned from the first experience and took proactive steps to ensure a smoother process. However, with my third, despite feeling like a seasoned pro, the reality was unexpectedly more painful than ever. Now, as I anticipate the arrival of my fourth, I’ve come to understand that every pregnancy is unique, and the only constant is change. It’s a humbling journey, one that constantly reminds me that there’s always more to learn, and that each new chapter brings its own set of surprises.

First timer..

At 18, young and inexperienced, I can only reflect on the lessons learned from my first child. What they tell you to expect, especially regarding breastfeeding, often diverges from reality. During my initial pregnancy, well-meaning advice like ‘eat for two,’ ‘enjoy being pregnant,’ and ‘you have to breastfeed; it’s good for the baby’ shaped my expectations, and I certainly regretted it afterward.

‘Eat for two‘ is a fallacy; I gained 80 pounds with my firstborn, and shedding that weight was challenging. Being young helped, but it still took me 2-4 years to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.
‘Enjoy being pregnant‘: While it’s wonderful, taking care of yourself is crucial. Incorporate light exercise and maintain a balanced diet with a healthy snack. The real joy lies in people being kind, offering seats, and assisting you – cherish those moments. Beyond that, pregnancy often involves learning to navigate the challenges of carrying extra weight in front.
‘Breastfeeding‘: Contrary to popular belief, I did not find joy in this experience. Despite its benefits for many, no one warned me about cracked nipples, the pain associated with breastfeeding, and the ensuing depression. Additionally, I struggled to produce enough milk for my son. People said to wait it out, but it never increased. The emotional and physical toll of being unable to produce enough breast milk was draining and not the right fit for me.
‘Yes, you poop during labor.’ Despite efforts to keep it natural, it happens.

Reflecting on my first experience at 18, I don’t recall facing many issues afterward, except for the weight I gained.

Baby #2

Discovering the most significant change with baby number 2 was realizing the value of experience. Having learned from my first pregnancy, there were clear things I wanted to avoid:

No more gaining 80 pounds.
No more tearing.
Definitely no more awkward moments during labor.

I want to be honest—I consider myself fortunate to have had a smooth journey with pregnancy. During this second pregnancy, I added a new furry friend to my life, motivating me to stay active with regular walks while being mindful of my food choices. As a result, I only gained about 8 pounds this time. However, as I embark on baby number 3, the remnants of baby 2 and 3 are still with me.

Welcoming a girl brought about different cravings, mainly for all things sweet. Ice cream, chocolate, anything sugary became irresistible—even preferred over dinner.

In my pursuit of a smoother experience, I stumbled upon the perineal massage, a pre-labor practice to prevent tearing. It was uncomfortable, but I gave it a try, and who knows, maybe it played a role in avoiding tearing. Being a big girl with ample skin, I can’t say for sure, but the effort was worth it.

Post-pregnancy presented new challenges, particularly with a significant bout of hemorrhoids, causing considerable pain and bleeding.

Hospital hack: discreetly ask each nurse for a small stash of supplies and pack them in your bag for home use. You’ll find everything from pads, chucks, numbing spray (Dermoplast), to Tucks pads, ice packs, and perineal water bottles. Unexpectedly, I needed these items, especially with unforeseen hemorrhoids. I went to Kaiser, and while I can’t guarantee every hospital provides them, at Kaiser, the staff was exceptionally kind and friendly.

Breastfeeding – Many suggested that breastfeeding might be different this time around, urging me to give it another shot. Considering this was during the COVID era and wanting to provide Olivia with the vaccine, I decided to attempt breastfeeding again. However, the experience remained unchanged. During my 36-hour hospital stay, I produced nothing, and Olivia cried persistently. The staff wouldn’t not provide any formula until I met with the lactation RN and obtained a prescription from an MD. Despite expressing her hunger, I persevered. The night was challenging, and my poor girl suffered.

With bleeding nipples, she reassured me not to give up, assuring that it would come, and Olivia would be fine. Motivated by the thought that this was for her, I continued to pump, managing to produce only 1-2 oz. I let her nurse from my breast, but unfortunately, it didn’t make a difference. At the 24-hour weight check, Olivia had lost 1.6 pounds, and the medical team warned that without formula and weight gain within 24 hours, she might need NICU admission. It was an incredibly tough situation.

Turning to formula, I persisted with pumping, and thankfully, Olivia regained her weight. Despite my efforts, I consistently produced only 1-2 oz, and my pumping journey lasted for three months with no improvement. After getting the COVID vaccine, I continued for another two weeks and ultimately decided to conclude the pumping journey.

With Olivia, I experienced what they call “baby blues.” Right after she was born, I felt numb, sad, unsure, and confused. It was a conflicting moment because, despite knowing I was lucky and blessed to have a baby, I couldn’t fully feel that joy. I confided in the social worker about it and, each day, pushed myself to get through and show love to my baby. I grappled with depression for a while and sought mental comfort through self-care practices like watching videos on YouTube, praying, and embracing positive affirmation

Baby #3

Starting over again, my girls are 14 months apart, often referred to as Irish twins. I found it challenging to shed the weight from Olivia, starting this pregnancy a bit heavier than before despite my efforts at the gym.

This time around, I had less energy, making long walks with Olivia more difficult. Despite the challenges, I made an effort not to overeat and maintained my weight. Interestingly, I craved sweets again, leading me to believe it might be a girl baby thing for me. I followed the same routine as my pregnancy with Olivia.

However, there were differences. During labor, contractions came faster, and I dilated to 9.5cm in just 45 minutes. Autumn was positioned differently in my pelvis, making it harder for her to come out, resulting in intense pain. The rapid pace allowed me to get an epidural just in time, but I experienced excruciating pain until the epidural took effect.

After labor everything was pretty much the same. I didn’t rip fortunately and of course no breast milk. Please remember to say in the beginning to the team that you want formula and you are not breast feeding. When I got to my room I started trying to breast feed in hopes she got something but now I had formula.

I didn’t experience baby blues this time around, but postpartum depression did set in, and it was a unique experience. Unlike before, this time, my depression surfaced about six months after giving birth. It was tough; I felt angry and harbored a lot of animosity, leading to frequent tears. Recognizing the need for support, I decided to talk to a therapist, which turned out to be really beneficial.

Eventually, I did start medication because life became challenging. I was unhappy and couldn’t find motivation, hope, or faith. The decision to begin medication was influenced by my holistic primary MD’s recommendation, who had faith in Zoloft. Initially reluctant due to future plans of another baby, the necessity for support during a challenging period led me to make the decision to start medication.

Autumn is now about 18 months old, and I’ve reached a point where I could discontinue the medication. I’m feeling better about myself and more positive about life.

ChatGPT

Navigating life with three kids has taught me that it can be quite a whirlwind. In my current trio, I have a teenager, a 2-year-old, and a 1-year-old, each presenting their own set of challenges. My teen grapples with his own issues, and my two little ones couldn’t be more different.

The 2-year-old has a fondness for veggies, embodying kindness and gentleness but with a touch of drama. Meanwhile, the 1-year-old is an enthusiast for everything, especially carbs and sugar, with a stubborn streak and a reluctance to listen. Their nap times follow separate schedules, showcasing their individual routines. As they continue to grow, their distinct personalities become even more apparent. Despite the differences, the love they share for each other has cultivated a beautiful relationship that I’m grateful for.